Part 4.
Grey
It all crumbled down. The epidemy of my brain, the unhinged emotions. I couldn’t stop them. My mind, like a rabid stray dog tearing its chains apart, erupted into the swirling chaos. There was no way or possibility to tame this monster, and my mind, conquered by fear, collapsed.
He’s cruel as well. He’s disrespecting my father’s death. My family. My home. My life. He left. If he leaves now, he will never be by my side. This is the exact thing I was afraid of. Betrayal.
I didn’t even see the block button or the screen, the fear-based primal instinct completely took over.
*Block*
*Block*
*Remove friend*
*Remove connection*
His heart shattered. He didn’t understand what he did. What happened. How could I have done that? To the love of my life?
The anger mixed with the feral type of fear. Burning everything beautiful, everything alive in its path.
Begin its destruction.
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Fluid
It all crumbled down. The epidemy of my brain, the unhinged emotions.
My father died in this house. I see his body still, laying there, his head turned away from us. I move my head down to kiss him for the very last time. I move as if it were a waking nightmare, something that exists only in the realm between reality and nonexistence.
I am kissing his forehead for the very last time.
I can’t control my lungs or the sounds that erupt from my throat after my lips release him.
I can’t process these memories. And on top of all that, he has abandoned me. And the night comes. The dark spirits are rising. I can feel them all around me, I’m terrified. Trembling. I have to fight through this night. All alone. The love of my life has abandoned me.
I am paralyzed. But I have to try. I have to tell him. I can’t lose control now, what I have is too precious. I can’t lose the control.
How do I come out of this? How do I break out from this ice that holds me? How do I do this all alone?
But… am I alone?
I am not…
I reach for my phone …
I dialed him.
The phone rings for a while … he’s still upset about those messages I sent in frenzy.
‘My love …?’ I hear his voice.
Like an erupting volcano, I started to cry as soon as I heard his voice.
I couldn’t even speak. I just sobbed uncontrollably.
And he was there, on the other side of the line.
Just holding space.
